In the Grip of Death and Desire

 

 

If only, I could escape the memory of that intense pleasure we shared

Then maybe I could escape this pain

I bask in the sun of desire

Simultaneously becoming its slave

Ruled once by your tower

Now by God

Trying to construct the monument you desire

Reinventing myself in your image

You filled the hole

I endlessly pursue to fill

Hoping He will

You were in my grip

But now no longer

I’m searching for you incessantly

To walk down the aisle of heaven

To wed you for eternity

The tower was once my life

Now God’s life

A writer’s life

Pencil and penance

Loving you was once my life

Now I’m God’s wife

Writing to heal

To conceal

Imagination

Spirituality

Satisfying you

While feasting on your flesh

Was once all I had

Now no more

Now I live for more

Now I come knocking on God’s door

Filled the empty vessel

Once with your love

Now only memories

Thoughts of you above

Our life in the heavens will be golden

Devoid of the worries of money

Of commitments

Our love with flourish

What I’ve lost in this city will be regained in the next

 

I’m within the grip of death and desire

Imprisoned by their power

The tower of your love

At the centre of this city

Has been destroyed

Burnt to the ground

All that remains, is an urn, full of dust

Remnants of what it once was

The memories of the ascent of the tower haunt my weary nights

As I wait to be transported to the next

I dream of the new eternal tower built in its image

In the city to come

I worship the God of my cities

As I wait to find you once again

Writing is my freedom

My futile cry for help

My vain attempt to escape

The grip of death and desire

 

Your yellow eyes bore into my soul

The day before we released you from the machines

That played the vital role of your organs

In my dreams I see the city

You are there

My lover

My friend

Each night I venture to the city of desire

To escape the empty streets this city of death possesses

But as I wake I’m thrust back

Wake amid the corpses of a life once filled with love

I wallow in the repetitive days of routine

Obligation at the mercy of money

Trying to mix some meaning into the assortment of fiscal pursuits

Of employment

Qualifications

Accommodation

Liberty in my pencil

As I dream of days

Basking in the sun

Getting stoned and making love

I try to live up to expectations so high

The unattainable pursuit of pleasing

Daydreaming I go to a world where the two cities meet

Become one

Borders cease to exist

Day and night dissolve

Life is filled with warmth and love

But as I daydream

The harsh reality is

That these cities

Are immutably separate

As consciousness can never know the unconscious

The city of death can never truly know the city of desire

Without crossing the border forever